heartbroken123

Yes, I don't think he recognises the extent of his actions. The fact that every friend of his did it, even occasionally, was normal to him. He had surrounded himself with a carefully picked social circle that all enabled each other. Now that I come to think of it, they weren't even his school mates or colleagues, they weren't in his immediate circle to begin with. All of them did it. Don't get me wrong, they were good people, supportive friends for both of us, smart and very fun to be with. I had no problem with them smoking weed, I know it is a way for many people to bond with each other and I have no problem with occasional use, even though I never partook. But their use seemed limited to once a week when they got together. His use however, was daily.

You are right, they are all driven towards substances and addiction. If it isn't weed, it will probably be something else. Cocaine use would be more frequent if it wasn't that expensive. And years down the line, it could be alcohol like his father which is more familiar, even though he said he couldn't stomach a lot of it. The body can be trained to tolerate more alcohol over time.

I think we are addicts in our own way. We love the way they make us feel, special and loved. But it all comes with a heavy price doesn't it? We are in as much denial as they are. I read all similar stories to mine and think for the loved ones "Get away from your addict, you are so young, you don't deserve a life like this, he is not changing", seeing everything clearly and yet when I think of my situation, I put on rose-tinted glasses.

He tried many times in the previous year to slowly cut down his use, because I told him it was affecting our life together, but every time he failed. He would somehow increase his use back to where it was before. He was unable to do it, because he didn't see the point of it. Now that his world is upside down, he finally came to realise his use was problematic and decided to stop, throwing away everything. Like I said, I think he will stick to it, because of his sacred oath to his dead father (stuff like this is very important to him, he takes all that seriously), but I am afraid that like you said, an addict is always an addict. Healthy coping mechanisms are not in place and I doubt he will starting changing them now, because he isn't following any structured recovery plan. He is just clean. Right now his coping mechanism is exercise which is good and healthy and I hope he keeps at it, but my gut tells me he is always after instant gratification and will always be drawn to it. That's not my jam. And that's why I believe he would probably never stop if it wasn't for me.

Yes, the way you put it (and the way it is, really), I will never accept he is an addict. I simply can't. My family raised me to never let the wolf of addiction inside the house and I agree with this value. Plus I will never forget that I quit everything when we made the decision to go to his hometown and now I am left with nothing. No friends, no routine, no job, no nothing. Living in my old teen bedroom, with my parents picking up the pieces. While he is building back his life in his comfort zone, with his friends and family to support him, his job with his brother to keep him busy. He is handling everything like a charm and I resent him for it. I never felt relief when we broke up, because like you said our situation was nice and clean, there were no serious consequences yet. Now I feel 10 times worse compared to when we were together. Sometimes I wish he wasn't that good of a partner apart from his addiction, so that it would be easier for me to let go.