Perhaps an option (if you wanted to talk with him again, which may not be what you want!) would be to get a couples counselor, even one able to do virtual/remote sessions? It may be safer for both you and he to open up about these concerns with a neutral third party who can help guide and balance the conversation.
My relationship with my AH was similarly perfect and soulmate-esque—until it wasn’t. He was recently out of rehab when I met him, very honest about his past and his goals for his future (never using again), very active in NA and recovery communities, and for 6 wonderful years was the kind of partner I had only dreamed of. I always thought when life threw me challenges, “at least I am lucky in love! At least I have a great partner by my side through all of this.” And then this past year marijuana came back... and then alcohol, and then psychedelics, and who knows what else since we separated. PTSD came back for him, depression, hypomania... Ever week, he had a new plan to change our lives to make it better, my head was spinning keeping up with his words, but the actions weren’t lining up with his words anyway. I thought I could wait it out, and he would recenter and return to “himself.” And then he started emotionally lashing out, pushing the buttons of people who loved him and possibly trying to push them away. Myself included. He started talking about an open marriage, and when that didn’t scare me enough, asked to “go his own way.” It was sudden, and brutal. And his behavior since has been a cocktail of unfamiliar, selfish, immature, dishonest, and manipulative (whether intentional or not).
My only point is, it can be great and perfect until it’s not. And more time spent with your person doesn’t equal more security; sometimes it means your lives and hearts are even more entangled when/if it does fall apart. It took both of us 7 years to build our lives together and a relationship I thought was very strong, and it took him one night to destroy it. That’s always a risk we take entwining our lives with someone else, and only we alone get to decide if the risk is worth the experience. But I think it’s important to go in with our eyes wide open. My husband was always capable of being BOTH “people,” the wonderful man I loved and the hurtful one I’m meeting now. They were always both a part of him, who he “is” just depends on who he is choosing to be, and how he chooses to treat the disease of addiction. I don’t think I fully understood that when we started dating.
Unconditional love isn’t enough. I definitely loved my husband unconditionally (though I didn’t let him TREAT me however he wanted, the love was always there!), and he often told me I was perhaps one of his first experiences with truly unconditional love. That he was in awe of how well I could love. Even after asking to “be free” he still kept telling me how much he loved and respected me, he just “had to do this.” As I started setting boundaries in the separation process and making clear when I found behaviors dishonest or hurtful, he started raising the stakes and getting meaner and more manipulative. As someone posted before me: if love were enough, these boards would be a quiet place.