Originally Posted by
edoering 
I agree with HardLessons, I would be very careful if he’s blaming you of anything. Part of being responsible/accountable in action (not just words) is not blaming or accusing others. I was always told by my friends in NA that part of recovery is taking responsibility for yourself and accepting “life on life’s terms,” so a good sign someone is serious about recovery are actions/decisions that show accountability.
I asked my therapist what I can treat as “truth” when it comes to mental illness and addiction, and she basically shared that the only things we can really truly treat as truth are red flags. Everything else only time will tell. Given that, give yourself whatever time and space you need in the meantime to be safe and happy.
Thank you. This helped me a lot! I feel guilty because I was a newbie on addiction and I didn't know what to say to him, I blamed him for his addiction and for the downfall of our relationship and that made him defensive and blamed me. We are only humans. He blamed me not only for not loving him unconditionally, but also that the true reason I was leaving was not his addiction, but my fear of opening my own business in his hometown. It is true in part, I had my doubts to open my business in a new environment, but the thing is, his habit never made me feel secure in that small town. He has quit weed, but part of him I think is still in denial of how detrimental it was in our relationship.
Right now I don't see any red flags, apart from the fact that he doesn't really understand how much his addiction hurt me and his slight denial. He offered to meet in person to talk, I reluctantly agreed, but then I told him I changed my mind, because I want to do what's best for us both, stay apart to deal with our issues. He got angry, told me that I killed him, that he was anticipating our meet up and that I treat him like a puppet, hot and cold. I feel so sad after that and guilty, I didn't want to hurt him, I shouldn't have said yes in the first place, but I really do miss him. But in the end he was really sweet and wished me all good things in my life, he told me that he will love me forever and that I was his soul mate.
I don't know what to say... I think his anger bursts are only human, I didn't handle the situation correctly, I could have been more resolute in my decisions. But I love him like I've loved nobody else in my life and I am torn between letting him go and getting back together. Because apart from his marijuana addiction, he is the PERFECT man for me. We have a lot of fun together, he is smart, funny, supportive, loving, strong, sensitive. Our dynamic was perfect. He made me strive to better myself, he admired me and I him, we respected each other. Even when we fought, we never called each other names, it was all civilised and after a few minutes we always made up. We couldn't stand being mad at each other. But we didn't have any serious problems to begin with. The serious fights were always about weed.
And now I am stricken with grief, because I mourn the man I know and our relationship. If it wasn't for the weed...