Originally Posted by
HardLessons 
Im not with her anymore. I basically crawled away from her back in June of 2017. Since then, there have been intermittent contacts from her. The last was January 2020. I havent seen or heard from her since. Yes I thought she loved me. Possibly in her own way she did. Shes a long term addict. I didnt know she was an addict until several months after I met her.
You said above "he hasn't upped his alcohol intake to compensate for the lack of weed" which means he is still drinking. Seems like a red flag to me.
Your last paragraph above sound to me like pure manipulation on his part. I dont think you should automatically trust or believe him on anything hes telling you. He knows your venerable. He wants the person who does everything for him back in his life.
If hes truly in recovery, then he should understand what hes done to you. He should give you all the time you need to heal. Tell him you will consider getting back together with him in a year. Then step back for the fire works show.
I am assuming the everyone who is telling you its not going to work are all people you trust & non addicts? BTW I agree with your everyone.
Please take care
I see. I am very sorry you had to go through her manipulations and lies. I guess it was a blessing in disguise though, as I often come to realise from stories in this forum. You came out stronger and learned a lot about yourself and others. But it must have been really hard for you to realise she was an addict months into the relationship. It wasn't something you signed up for in the first place.
He has never been much of a big drinker, he only ever drank when he was with friends, which was once a week and he never had too much to drink even then anyway. Only 2-3 drinks max. For me that sounds normal. He only ever mentioned his unchanged drinking habits because I had once said to him that I was afraid if he quits weed, he will start drinking more. Furthermore, he said his big brother also quit weed, they quit together because they realised the harm it was doing to them professionally and personally. So now he has a support system.
I really think he has changed his ways, or at least his habits, but is that viable? I know he is a very smart person, with so much willingness and inner strength, that if he sets his mind on something, he is successful at doing it. I know he is not lying, it was never our dynamic to lie. But at the same time he is frustrated that I have my doubts on trusting him that early on again. I told him "I know you've stopped and I'm proud of you. But is this long-term? I can't trust you yet." and he doesn't understand that. Like I said he says "If you truly loved me unconditionally, you wouldn't cancel me and my attempts." I think you are right, he is manipulating me, but maybe not consciously. Maybe he feels like now that he quit, we can easily go back to where we were. He still doesn't understand how much he hurt me and how betrayed I feel.
Yes, they are people I love and non-addicts. I refuse to make a decision that will be another big sacrifice from my part, get once again involved in a relationship that my parents disapprove of and have very reasonable doubts against. It will destroy them, worrying about me all the time. This feels wrong, even more so than putting up with his habits. And the reason it feels wrong is because I don't know if his new life is sustainable for him.
Thank you for your support once again. It helps me immensely coming here and pouring my heart out.