Good morning. It's day 15. I'm counting down the days to day 102, which will be my longest streak. Seems so far away. 87 days. But I've got Antabuse so I'm sure I can do it. I've asked my mother to supervise me taking it but she doesn't watch me put the pill in the water, I could easily only take a quarter and she wouldn't know, which I could drink on. I really should tell her she has to put the pill in herself but a part of me wants that option to only take a quarter for a week and get smashed.
But then the last few times I've gotten drunk have been disasters. Arrests, self harm, ambulance rides, getting barred from off licences. And I feel miserable when I'm drinking and feel even more miserable hungover. So why do I want to do it?