at first it took a few trys to get a grip on it,so to speak.
the more I did,the easier it got and the more sense it made,and the shorter my answer.
I found my old inventory and found one about a old boss I had who was on my resentment list and I`ll run thru it here,changing his name
angry at (column 1)
my old boss Doc
why(cause)(column 2)
his remarks in a meeting directed at me
affects (column 3)
security,ambitions,personel relations,self esteem (fear)
then I sat and considered it carefully as the big book says
I started to see things
I then sincerely prayed the sicks mans prayer for Doc,praying for Doc by name.
I went to the turnarounds(column 4) (here are the questions my big book step study sponsor gave me)
my answers was underlined
where was I
selfish?
what did I want?
I wanted to go scott free for breaking company rules
dishonest
what was the lie I told myself?
Doc is a jerk,I don`t derserve this,I"m not wrong
what would I not get or receive?
recogination from others and him and a clean record
I thought....
he was wrong and picking on me,I`m innocent
I told myself
I would get even with him somehow
I pretended
to be a innocent victim and that it didn`t bother me
self seeking(my behvoiurs)
what did I do to get what I wanted?(my actions based on my selfish motives)
gossiped about Doc behind his back,lied to myself and others about me being in the wrong
how did I manipulate?
by lying and gossiping about Doc and continue to break company rules
frightened
what was I afraid of?
scared of what the others would think of me
what might I lose or not get?
my job,their friendship and respect,
what was the fear?(name it by name)
fear of not being good enough and losing my job
this was one of my column 4`s I did when I started writing,and I did the best I could.I soon was able to see how dishonest and fearful I was,along with my aweful behaviour.
That fear was really a deep motivating factor in my life,scared of what others thought about me so I put up a big front......I played the actor...I lived the double life,one outside and another inside.
Doc was doing his job,I wasn`t and he called me on it.
You may want to do a few and do not judge,just pray first and operate the pencil.
I then took my fears of columns 3 and 4 and ran them thru the fear inventory
good luck
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