I agree that you could be a less hard on yourself, as yojimbo notes. But you could also be more demanding of yourself. You say, "It's nobodies fault but my own," but it would be more accurate to say, "It's nobodies responsibility but my own."
When the cards were dealt, you got stuck with the Old Maid. Others got the Get Out of Jail Free Card. Those are nobodies faults, but it is your responsibility to make the necessary behavior changes to compensate for your handicap (the card you were dealt, but didn't ask for). You can have a normal life, but you have to understand that alcohol is not a requirement to be normal. If you disagree, I think you are setting your standards much to low and your expectations much to high. Who says you have to consume alcohol to be normal?
But I should stop with the metaphors. The simple truth is that you have an addiction, and your one way to end it, is to stop using and break the cycle. Yeah, OK, you will still have the addiction, but you will no longer be feeding the cycle. After that you can work toward getting your mind right.