Thank you everyone for the great responses. Today I work on day 319 of recovery. I had to take some time to process everything. After reading my post I see and reconize that i started blaming or pointing the finger again. Not to say I should be fine with the way I feel like I'm being treated during hard times. But I had to look at myself and take responsibility for my actions that I have contributed to this toxic parts of my marriage. Not to blame myself but to improve and grow. I take responsibility for abusing my prescription medication instead of working and communicating with my wife. I had a major part aswell for the distance in communication. I can't change the past but it is my control to continue recovery day by day.