I can identify with all that you have said.
I did not know who I was in alcoholism. I had an idea of who I wanted to be. I could not make that work when I was actively drinking. My thoughts can really be my enemy at times. I told myself when getting sober that I needed to stay the course and see it through. Find out what makes Mizz. Listen to my inner self and find my truth. I was up and down and all over the map for quite awhile. Almost 6 months in sobriety, this go round, and its like night and day. Ive truly found balance. Boundaries. Confidence. A knowing. A steady road.
Time is the key here. You will find yourself again. There will be a leveling. Boundaries will be in place. It takes one foot in front of the other and knowing that you are doing the right thing for yourself. You got this. The work thing sounds a bit overwhelming and perhaps you may just find something else that fits you better.