Originally Posted by ScottFromWI

I am sure it's a very difficult position to be in. It's nigh impossible for us to change the behaviors of others, or even know "why" they do what they do - it's hard enough for us to change our own behaviors/habits.

Is she aware that your intentions ( or at least your thoughts ) are to consider divorce as a real option? It seems to me that you are asking for advice on that particular topic. You are doing a lot of good things to help yourself on the addiction front for certain, and congratulations on your continued sobriety. But on the relationship front, perhaps it's time to take all those issues off the back shelf and put them right on the front burner so to speak. That might have to take place via a third party if your relationship is too contentious, but you have to get the issue out there on the table before you can solve it.