Originally Posted by BeABetterMan

Sticky, I lived a long time in a marriage that I was not happy in. Not that she was not a bad person, I just wasn't happy. I also numbed my discontent a lot with substances. Again, not her FAULT, but my coping mechanism was garbage. I am a codependent so the thought of ending the relationship, especially since we had children, was something I could never go through with. Finally, she went through a little mid-life crisis and changed quite a bit and decided our marriage didn't work for her, and she ended it. THANK GOD. Not that I'm so happy now, but I am no longer in that pointless and meaningless relationship. My subsequent relationships, outside of one that I destroyed with my substance abuse, have been awful. But still in many ways better than the apathetic existence I was living through. I am grateful she left. I'm not sure if I ever would have.

Sobriety changes a person. And changes the relationships we have with others. We can look for blame and for reasons why. Some of those answers will come, some will not. I'm not sure if answers are necessary. We have to be selfish in this phase of our recovery. We are responsible for our own happiness and contentment. We are evolving and growing. We have different thresholds. We have different needs. We have different wants. Many relationships suffer once substances are removed - what a dark irony.

I went through marriage counseling, I found it to be a farce, especially since she wasn't even really trying.

In the end, I had to learn to first be happy by myself. As a separate entity. This is the phase I'm in now. And I'm trying to figure out what I would look for in another partner. But I am not sure what that is, so I am in a hold pattern. I used to rush into relationships because as a co-dependent, I felt defined by the person I was with. I am growing and hopefully leaving that behind. But I digress.

I don't have advice per se, just sharing my thoughts.