That behavior from your son is such a normal part of child development. My youngest went through a stage when she was 1 and it lasted for about 18 months - I was the ONLY person on the planet that was allowed to hold her, put her to bed, read her stories, etc. Her wonderful Mom - who was not a mean drunk like I was then - was deeply wounded by that but there was simply no fighting it. It is just how they explore the world and start to learn about relationships. It is hard, I know, but you have to do your best to not attribute any intent to hurt you on the part of a 4-year old. One day it will just change.
I hope I don't insult you when I say you aren't the first person to swear up and down what fun they were when they were drunk, when in reality, many of us were loud sloppy noisy unpredictable jerks. My only reason for pointing that out is that your perception is probably not completely accurate, and it will be better for all if you stay stopped.
I think the more still you are, the more predictable, the more quiet and calm, the less pouty and self-centered you can be, the sooner your son and your wife will begin to view you as someone who is not a liability to be around. You so obviously care deeply about those relationships but right now you aren't really presenting an upside for them. A wounded and hurt dad and husband scares the both of them I'm sure. A supportive and steady dad and husband, one who is positive and healthy, is what will bring them back to you