Good morning, I'm facing truths of all kinds. I've cried so much over the last 2 days, I'm dehydrated.
Wierd things have been going on in my heart and mind. Physically, I'm doing great. No withdrawls that I can see, not really sure what they consist of. Only that my roommate really irritates me. I told her last night that she reminded me of that song that goes something like "you aint much fun since I've stopped drinking"...Sad, I know. I feel bad about that. She understands, though. That song really holds true with alot of things.
I told my parents that I had a problem with alcohol. I bared my soul to them yesterday. They saw it, I think they were just waiting for me to open up with them about it. I feel so silly that I'm almost 40, and I'm depending on my parents support as though I'm 21. Financially, my situation had been really bad lately. The reason for that has been my drinking...I figure on a slow month, I've spent $ 520 per month on drinking. This is only averaging out for 20 days drinking. Mind you, I've drank 4-5 out of 7 days a week. Booze @ $11.00 a pint, 1/2 of the time, I followed that by a half pint, so I'm averaging it to be $14.00 per day of drinking, plus $11.00 in cola plus smokes...$26 x 20 days...That is pretty damn scary.....I've admitted all of my faults to my parents, I feel that I need to be honest about things, and not white wash. After spending the afternoon with them yesterday, and they agreed to help me out, I drove 20 minutes back into town to get my roommate from work. I entertained the idea of getting a bottle. Is it normal for me to want booze almost every hour of every day? Will this temptation ever subside? What can I do to get this wicked temptation out of my mind? Today is day 4 for me. I don't feel any real accomplishment, although alot of you reading this will think it is a great accomplishment. I have so much to learn about this disease. They say that this is a disease, and that I could have inherited this from my biological father. He was a heavy drinker, and dies of a heart attack at about 52. I feel that I have to take the responisbility all on my own for my actions, and cannot hide behind that crutch. I just pray to my Higher Power to have the courage to make the decision NOT to drink for this moment, this hour, and this day. I want to start reaping the rewards of being sober. Sorry for babbling on. I just needed to talk for a few minutes. I am very thankful for this forum, and being able to express myself. Thank you.
Hanging In There...Kimmie