Hi all,
Still alive here. Things are up and down and all over. My sis is not helping the issue of me figuring out how to move out because she’s rabid and very high pressure half the time. Today is Sunday. Supposedly I’m supposed to be up and gone at ‘like 7am’ on Sundays because it’s their day together. I am so out of it I don’t remember agreeing to that and I didn’t even know it was going to be Sunday. I’m on the verge of cracking here. We talked last night about plans and all seemed well.
with my ME I’m very tired especially when stressed. Well.. I slept until 9am when I was woke and confronted and it was a terrible day. I’m not purposely breaking the rules. I’m f ing out ... of .. it. I was interrogated by phone and text and every other way about why I’m such a disrespectful human being. Anyway I’m trying. I’m up in the room out of site. I need to rebuild. There are some offers on the table to get out of here. I’m so anxious and scared.
I ALWAYS solved the anxiety and ‘freeze’ situation I get into by drinking. ‘I’m frozen with anxiety?? Bring the notepad and laptop to happy our, down a couple of Rioja or Pinot Grigio’s and begin working, making commitments, pressing buttons on things getting stuff done. Wake up in the morning freaking out about it and do the same at 4pm. Then everything is in place, I have the plan, and if I am having trouble executing the plan hit the wine again.
I didn’t get past that I simply stopped drinking. So now it’s just constant anxiety and need for darn benzos and such.
I can go to Ecuador with my cousin and get some relief from the oppression here. If it’s good I could rent like a friggin’ villa for $300 a month there for a few months and get my **** together.
I’m not happy I skipped out on that Health Coach program. I had the cash lined up (kind of) and it would have been work so I wasn’t lying around here, then I could definitely coach. I’ve had ME and the Booze issue. Most coaches maybe read a chapter on that. Ugghhh.
VIPER