It's good to have you with us, Holly. You are not alone - most of us have had that very same feeling. I drank 30 yrs. & in the end it was every day - or I'd shake & feel sick. I never thought I could get free, but when I found SR I was strengthened by all the support & suggestions. I have 13 yrs. sober now - so I know you can do it too. Try not to be frustrated - it's normal to get off to a rough start - but it will be worth it when you reclaim your life.