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Can't even do one day.

Old 02-15-2021, 12:45 AM
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Unhappy Can't even do one day.

Hi all.

For years I've been struggling with alcohol addiction. I've got to the stage where I know I must give up for good. Everyday for so long I have tried not to have a drink but I just can't do it. I've even walked 3 miles in a storm to put my AV at bay.
I thought maybe if I chat I might be able to get through today sober. I really hope that this can be day one.

Thank you.
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Old 02-15-2021, 01:10 AM
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Hi Holly. I remember this very well. I would wake up feeling terrible physically, and also guilty and shamed for drinking. I'd swear I wouldn't drink that day

By about 2pm I had managed to convince myself id be ok to drink just this day, I'd give up tomorrow. By 4pm I'd be in the pub

It was very confusing, tiring and in the end demoralizing

There's a couple of things. One is, if you cannot stop, to go and seek help. If you told your doctor what you've told us she should help you make the next move. You should seek medical help anyway before giving up.

But if you choose to do it in your own then planning the day to the minute worked for me. What I'd eat, where I'd go, what I'd do. And if it got all to much I'd go to my ultimate safe space (I'd go to bed) as there was no way I would buy alcohol from there

Lots of people on here will have ideas on how to plan a day (and a life!) without alcohol if you ask 👍
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Old 02-15-2021, 01:21 AM
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Thank you.

I can't get a doc's appointment for love nor money at the moment. But I will try to plan my day and write it down. I've also just been checking out zoom AA meetings. I am not ready to show my face (I may lose my job if some members of the public were to find out) but I've heard I can do a zoom with camera off. I'm also listing all of the things I am grateful for to start the day on a positive note.

I really do want to do this.
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Old 02-15-2021, 01:52 AM
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"Really wanting to do this" is the first step into doing it Holly.

I believe you can get through one day. We can get through lots of things for just one day.

My suggestion is for you to keep returning here no matter if you've "made it" or not. Share, and learn from others. We understand, just as you will understand us. We all have the same problem.

The simple act of connecting with others with similar problem will help cement your 'desire' to stop into actively doing so. I'm 13 months sober and it is so much better. It can be so for you too.

Please keep posting.

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Old 02-15-2021, 01:53 AM
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Welcome to SR, @HollyIvy! I'm glad you found us here.
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Old 02-15-2021, 02:02 AM
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Be123's first few sentences sum up how it was for me too. Saying definitely not drinking today when waking up feeling bad in the morning but passing out on the sofa at night after drinking again in the evening and so it went on.

My last drunk made me feel very sick the next day, both in body and in remembering my behaviour the previous day. I could not have drunk for a few days even if I'd wanted to. So I got a head start on the AV in a way and got a few days in before stupid cravings came back. Then it was will power, reading lots and being kind to myself. Now, I'm in my 4th year sober. I read something here at SR every day just to remind myself to be grateful. I do not crave alcohol anymore. This can be you too.
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Old 02-15-2021, 02:20 AM
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If alcohol is not in my home I won't drink it. If my
cravings are out of this world and feel the need
to ride to get my poison, then I have time before
I get in the car and drive, to make another decision
to avoid feeding my addiction.

Come here to SR. Call someone who is in recovery
and can be of good support. Make a recovery meeting.
Do something that will get my mind off of myself.

Help someone who needs help.

Continue to learn helpful healthy ways to build a
strong recovery foundation to live your life upon
for yrs to come. Building it one day at a time.



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Old 02-15-2021, 02:26 AM
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Welcome HollyIvy

I was unable to go a day as well - I'd swear off the booze forever and sometimes 5 minutes later I was running down the road to buy more.

I wanted change tho, and I found this place,m and that made all the difference.

I turned my life around 14 years ago.
If I and thousands of other people here can do it, you can too

D
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Old 02-15-2021, 03:52 AM
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So many good suggestions.
Welcome to SR!

You CAN do this. Yes, it does take a lot of effort in the first few weeks. That effort is 100% worth it.
Personally, I had to change almost everything I did in the evenings and on the weekends. I restructured my time with hour by hour tasks and self care.

Mornings:
Wake up and log onto SR with coffee.
Take a run or weights.
Eat breakfast
Go to work.
Check out SR on breaks and lunch.

After Work:
Hot cup of tea
bath
Dinner
Log onto an AA meeting (I didnt show my face. I used the camera off option)
Get into bed and watch a series while participating on SR.

Rinse and Repeat every single day until I normalized.

The structure and this forum saved me. I do not attend AA any longer. I did find value in the beginnings of my road into sobriety. AA is a great program and one that works for many many people. I have found my own little program of this and that sprinkled with some other stuff. Its working!

It feels AMAZING to be free of alcohol.

You can do this!
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Old 02-15-2021, 04:19 AM
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Originally Posted by HollyIvy View Post
Hi all.

For years I've been struggling with alcohol addiction. I've got to the stage where I know I must give up for good. Everyday for so long I have tried not to have a drink but I just can't do it. I've even walked 3 miles in a storm to put my AV at bay.
I thought maybe if I chat I might be able to get through today sober. I really hope that this can be day one.

Thank you.
I've been there.

The biggest support for my eventual success was my own shift of thinking.... from "Need" to "Want".

From "I HAVE to STOP" - to "I WANT to START".

I wonder if you'd be up for an experiment: Every day and all day, shift your words, your thoughts and your focus to the positive. Begin envisioning a life of sobriety. Begin envisioning all of the good that will bring. Begin always saying "I WANT TO LIVE A SOBER LIFE". If you catch yourself saying, thinking, writing or otherwise leaning toward the scarcity mentality of "I HAVE to do this...." take that moment to consciously correct yourself.... "No.... I don't HAVE to. I'm fully free to carry on destroying my life and missing out on its richness.... but I PREFER, I CHOOSE to live in full presence and wholeness in this cherished life".

For an added bonus, begin a list of people - famous people, everyday people, people you know, people you've heard about - who are living a life of sobriety. Keep that list handy, learn the stories of those people, what they were then, who they are now, how their worlds have changed and how they're each contributing to positive change in the world.

Begin to relentlessly paint yourself a beautiful picture of inspiration.


For me, that made all the difference. Not that it isn't instructive and healing to look at the negatives and to acknowledge the things you may need to process, let go of, make amends for.... but I found that until I shifted to the inspiration of a life I truly, deeply WANTED - I just kept on relapsing.

You can do this.
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Old 02-15-2021, 04:23 AM
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It’s great that you know you need to stop and are working out the next steps.

I’m going to sound a little direct here. Whilst getting a doctor’s appointment and zoom meeting are Important, quitting alcohol is 95% (maybe more) willpower. One of these days you will have to spent a very long and unpleasant evening with no alcohol in the house, and that will be your first day of not drinking. You may well drink again the day after, but you’ll have done that first day and know you can do it again.

So remember the doc and meetings are some help, but it’s mostly up to you.

The great news is, and I remember very well from when i quit two years ago, that those grim anxious days last two or three weeks max. Get through those, and you’ll have a great new life you never imagined.
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Old 02-15-2021, 05:18 AM
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It’s perfectly doable. Commit to not drinking just for today no matter what. Immerse yourself in recovery, Work a recovery program and make staying sober the No1 priority in your life. SR is a wonderful resource to keep connected to other alcoholics.
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Old 02-15-2021, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by HollyIvy View Post
Hi all.
Everyday for so long I have tried not to have a drink but I just can't do it.
You can do it. You just don't know it yet. Before I quit, I tried to slow down. I would occasionally quit for 3 days, but then get edgy and irritable and drink. Then I made it to 5 days, and those were the worst cravings of all. I made it through day 5, and then things started to get better and I never had another drink again. I know that it's easy to feel you don't have it in you. I felt like that once, but I got better. You can too.
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Old 02-15-2021, 09:09 AM
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I would say most of us have been in your shoes. I was. When people would say one day at a time, to me that was like expecting me to hold my breath one day at a time. I could get though the mornings as I was typically not feeling well and on the weekend, I was even drinking in the mornings. But getting through the day was an importable feat- I started by taking it a hour and even a minute at a time. Distractions are good- meetings (check online- they are available on Zoom around the clock). The worst is the early days- remember this- the best decisions you will make in your life are often the hardest.
I am a couple weeks short of 1000 days- that is a miracle. You have the ability to be a miracle too- find a plan- stick to it and most of all- do not drink under any circumstances.
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Old 02-15-2021, 09:11 AM
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Hi HollyIvy. Welcome to SR. That is such a rough daily cycle you are in. If you can stay sober today, that would be a great start. But if you cannot, the next time you swim up out of the blackness and feel like hell, do not make any decisions or declare sobriety at that point. Of course you want to be sober when you are feeling like that. Instead, try something new at the time of day your cravings hit. Get out of your routine and make sure there is not a drop of booze in the house.

You also don't have to do this by yourself. Sometimes we just cannot get started by ourselves. Is there a treatment option that you could seek?

Keep posting here on SR. This community is one of the top reasons I got sober and one of the top reasons I have been able to stay sober.
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Old 02-15-2021, 09:38 AM
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It really is a case of locking yourself in (safely) for a day or two. Some sort of activity to pass the time would be good too. I remember literally sitting on my hands at one stage on my first few evenings. No one can promise a new few days, Holly, but please believe it’s a few weeks and it’ll be over.
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Old 02-15-2021, 09:50 AM
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Holly, the suggestion of making a plan is a really good one. I needed something to structure my day and something to help me feel like I was accomplishing something during the day. I hope you continue to read and post.
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Old 02-15-2021, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by HollyIvy View Post
Everyday for so long I have tried not to have a drink but I just can't do it.
Man do I know the feeling! One day at a time was way beyond my grasp. 24 hours...that was just too long. If I could have not drank for a day, I probably never would have reached out for help, but I couldn't. So I reached out to other alcoholics, who were able to not drink, for help.

With their support and by following their suggestions, I mustered together a plan for me.

I couldn't do 24 hours, too unfathomable, but I could manage 15 minutes. Yes, my journey started with 15 minute increments.

When alcohol would be screaming my name, I would tell myself I could wait 15 minutes. Surely I told myself, even the weakest person on earth could wait 15 minutes. I didn't fully believe it, but I HAD TO TRY, I was desperate. If after 15 minutes, I still wanted that drink, it would be there.

I would then go out for a walk to hopefully give my mind something else to focus on. Or I would call another alcoholic who was in recovery. Or I would read recovery material. The main thing was to give my mind something else to think about and to put 15 minutes between myself and that drink. Many times it would take a second 15 minute increment. Sometimes a third. But I didn't care because at that point I was willing to do anything to not drink.

Yes my journey started with 15 minutes increments, but those increments have built upon themselves to where I now have 17 years without a drink. It is doable. I never thought it was possible for this alcoholic, but I am proving myself wrong. Not drinking is now second nature to me. Sobriety is my natural state and the one I am meant to be in.

You can do and achieve this too! I believe in you.



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Old 02-15-2021, 10:18 AM
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It's good to have you with us, Holly. You are not alone - most of us have had that very same feeling. I drank 30 yrs. & in the end it was every day - or I'd shake & feel sick. I never thought I could get free, but when I found SR I was strengthened by all the support & suggestions. I have 13 yrs. sober now - so I know you can do it too. Try not to be frustrated - it's normal to get off to a rough start - but it will be worth it when you reclaim your life.
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Old 02-15-2021, 10:53 AM
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Hey there! you have found your way to the right place. We know all too well the feeling. I went years of seemingly unable to make it a day. It sounds like you are already at the shifting point for the end to come. I found that I needed more support and coping skills, willpower was not enough. It may be conflicting to some here, but I do not believe this forum is enough for most people. As far as support systems, your work may have an employee assistance program, you may find some local counseling and also I have found great success with AA meetings. You can find the meetings in person or there is a zoom meeting starting nearly every 30 minutes or so, 24 hours a day. Here is a link to the zoom meetings:
https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/

Some other coping skills I've developed and do daily is calling my sponsor, wim hof breathing, cold therapy, sauna/steam room, exercise, long walks, healthy diet, morning and evening rituals dedicated to sobriety, prayer and this website.

It sounds like you are ready to be open to any type of help. Try to remain open-minded and try anything that might help you through this. There have been very hopeless situations that have recovered and found a fulfilling, joyful life.

WIshing you all the best
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