That heavy feeling
The last couple of days I have had that awful heavy feeling in my gut, that sad and icky feeling which I think comes from feeling like there is nothing I can do to make things better. It started after I had a long talk with my teen the other day about how she treats her dad, she is really not nice to him at all, won't talk to him, won't let him hug her, etc. She's really not very nice to anyone but my AH particularly. She is also not one I can get to open up or talk about anything but the other night I asked her what it was that bothered her so much about her dad. It started with "he doesn't listen to me", "he talks to me like I'm still a baby", "he eats out all of the time", and then "he drinks too much", she then said to be honest nothing will get better as long as he's drinking. Now I know I've been told many times kids are very smart and know what's going on but I guess I was living in some sort of denial that she wasn't picking up on pretty much everything I see as well. My husband has such a high tolerance that I didn't think she was picking up on his being drunk most nights. She has clearly been paying very close attention and if I know her she has been counting his drinks and watching how much alcohol he goes through. I asked her if she wanted to write him a letter and let him know he she felt, not that it would help but I thought it would allow her to get some of these feelings out. She said she didn't want to do that because she was afraid it wouldn't change and then she would be really upset. It's just so bloody depressing. I've tried to get her to talk to someone in the past and she absolutely refuses. She goes to college next year and I really don't want to uproot her life right now when she has so much other stress and pressure. AH is a good man, he's not abusive or unkind, he's a good provider and I know he loves us, he loves getting drunk every night more. I know there is nothing anyone can say, I really just needed to vent.