There might indeed not be anything to match that fleeting high that alcohol brought to us. What I remember most though are the few dozen days when the highs were over. The last few months of my 30-year drinking career, there wasn't a single moment of high or relief in any of it. I drank because that was the only way I could make it to the bathroom or do any of the few tasks I had no choice about. I had to get loaded to apologize to my innocent daughters for what I had done the night before, or to check social media and my phone to see what other relationships I destroyed when I was blacked out.
Your post is beautiful BABM. Such a great way to tell your story, and it is a story with so many parts that we have all experienced.