Hi Confused, what a sad situation and sadder still there are very many similar stories on this forum. I hope you will take time to read the threads. In some ways you may find them comforting, to know you are not alone and you aren't crazy and the situation IS crazy.
on MOST days he’s been such a good dad and so good to me
You know what? You deserve to have a partner that treats you well on all days! Not just "most". Of course there are conflicts, sometimes, but those can be settled, you don't need to be walking on eggshells in case he will, again, threaten to leave. Who does that and what does that do to you? It makes you unsure and unsettled, there is no safety or comfort at home, in fact it's a pretty hostile place and right now I'm sure it's unbearable.
Please don't hope he will revert to being nice most of the time. Right now he gets to have your child around, that he obviously cares about, but you get to be the actual caregiver and he gets to go out and party, well isn't that nice.
While he may have some good qualities, this is not a nice guy, this is not a guy you should be around,
he will drag you down with him.
Oh and the fight he decided to start and insult you? You can disregard everything he said, that's just him releasing his own guilt at wanting to party rather than be in a domestic situation.
He KNOWS he is an alcoholic and has even asked me if I wanted him to quit
Translation: She must be noticing how much I'm drinking, better test the waters here and see what she's thinking.
What was your reply to that question?
Maybe having a different perspective on all of this will have you making a plan to get out of there.