Relapse happened to me many, many times ("relapsed" several times a week for 17 years), but hasn't happened for almost 11 months now (sober now, thank God). If I can do this you can too! Don't knock yourself too hard, just get back up and try again. I did over and over and it finally "stuck". I'm thinking more and more it has been due to a higher power. What else could have given me this relief?
Hang in there, consider a support group like NA, and come back here. AA helpded me, so there is a lot to be said for groups like that. SR has been incredible!
Jup.