Old 01-19-2021, 07:19 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
kevlarsjal2
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
Hi borla! Welcome to SR

I think staying in touch directly after a break up makes it unnecessarily hard to let go and to move on for both parts, alcoholism involved or not. It is true that he can recover and become the partner you wanted. Especially if he's still young and really wants to make big changes. Me and my partner both are in recovery (I quit at 26, he at 32). We met in recovery so it's slightly different.
But now the "bad" news: For many people it takes several attempts (and bad consequences) to finally surrender and commit to sobriety. And often there are other issues surfacing once the addiction is removed, like personality disorders, trauma, other mental health issues. Which all make relationships hard work and bring their own array of problems with them. For many people alcohol served as some sort of self medication to mask the underlying issues.
One thing that many people don't know is that getting sober is only the start. More often than not the real work begins once someone is somewhat stable in sobriety and can start working on all the underlying issues to get better and to learn to cope with life in more healthy ways. That is my own personal experience.

My recommendation for now would be to let go and to quit contact for a while at least. Or only check in with him sporadically. That way you can heal and he won't be distracted.
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