I'm sorry you're under so much pressure NL - but honestly doesn't drinking just add to that?
I remember I'd end up with the same pressures I drank over still there and then new pressure because I felt guilty and ashamed for drinking and neglecting my responsibilities...
I just felt even further behind the 8 ball.
I'm sure you are not 'failing' like you think you are - every parent must be struggling in some way right now - especially those with kids with special needs.
How can you dance gaily through something like a pandemic? You can't.
I feel you're being way too hard on yourself.
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I think the solution to all that is not giving up and drinking - its to call in help - real life help would be nice but if nothing else you'll find that here at SR
Like others have said you'll always be a member of this thread but the January 21 thread is pretty good too...
D