I’m stuck with I should have helped more
hind·sight
noun:
hindsight- understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed.
"with hindsight, I should never have gone"
Hindsight can be our worst enemy in a situation like this. There is no way you could have known that he would die that night.
You only knew that with hindsight.
Guilt and regret are not the same.
Guilt is what you feel when you intentionally harm someone. You did not intentionally harm him so there is no guilt.
Regret is what you feel when you wish you would have done something differently. Only in hindsight can you make that wish. You didn't know he was going to die.
In this case, you might say. "I wish I could have helped him."
You did everything you could for 2 1/2 years. The truth is that recovery has to come from within the person who needs recovery. The work has to be done on their end. We can't do that for them. We don't have that kind of power. I can't grieve for you. You will have to do that alone with support. Addiction is the same. We can offer support, but they have to go through the process. They have to voluntarily get help. We can't force that.
I lost my husband to suicide 45 years ago. You are going to be okay.