Twinotter, I know the frustration you are living with. For some reason it usually does feel worse during the holidays. I think that's because we know it should be a happy time, especially if we have children, so the contrast is that much more blatant. It feels like the rest of the world is joyous while we struggle in the bleakness of our situation. It sucks, many of us here understand that suckage.
When I was still married to my alcoholic ex husband... he ruined my joy of the season so many times. Almost every Xmas eve was Mrs.Claus piling the gifts under the tree while Santa, wreaking of booze, was snoring, passed out on the couch. Good times.. great memories. Not. He did always manage to stumble his way to bed at some point and be able to be up for the kids in the morning. Of course he looked like death warmed over and smelled even worse. I have to wonder if my (grown) kids remember that part. I do and even though I am happily remarried, these memories haunt me.
I know you are in a bad place right now. It hurts to stay together, it hurts to separate. It probably feels like a lose/lose right now. I remember it feeling that way. Eventually, staying got more painful than leaving so I left. My kids were 16 and 20 at the time. It was the hardest most painful thing I ever did, it was also the most right thing for me to do. I was never going to be happy in my heart or healthy in my head had I stayed in that situation. We set horrible examples for our kids, him with his alcoholism, me with my codependence.
I hope you find things a little easier now that the holidays are winding down. Wishing for you peace and clarity while you figure out what your next right step should be. My suggestion would be to trust your instincts. Not your head, not your heart.. you gut, trust your gut.
P.S. I grew up in VERY remote areas, accessible only by boat or float plane. When we were kids and heading "to town" we were always so excited when we saw it was the "twingine" that came to pick us up. Better than the regular old beavers!