Twinotter, I am sorry for what you are dealing with. I find the holidays to be so stressful in the best of situations but having to deal with an alcoholic spouse takes it all to a whole other level. Do you have a counselor or someone you can talk to? Family close? It sounds like you could really use some help, even if it is just some help with your toddler so you can get a break and take care of you. I know change is scary, but it doesn't sound like you can go on like this. Hang in there, your son needs you.