Try reading about brain science and addiction. I understand addiction 'hijacks' the brain deep in the emotional centers. Causing a host of thought processes to go haywire. Even after the last drink there may be some brain damage to deal with. That also throws a wrench in the brain works.
For me recovery means positive action first then deal with the thinker latter after continue sobriety. CBT & DBT helps me to change my behavior for the better. There is a lot of info about addiction. I suggest find your truth about addiction and work with that.