I dunno man - when I think about the things I've lost and the pain I have caused that pretty much knocks any thoughts of drinking again out.
I have no doubt that if I start drinking again it will be the same as I was or worse.
In a sense a lot of your new sober life has been on hold so far - things are just starting to move forward for you.
I believe there is a good, rich and full sober life in your future Be.
Maybe not what you envisaged it would look like, but my recovery life is better than one I could have dreamed of.
Don't give in before the miracle happens...right?
D