Sorry you feel put upon Charon, I believe it takes two to make an argument, one can shout and rant, but the other can actively instigate that response in the first place and then respond as a victim in the latter. See
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle it is interesting how those who want to feel victims, do not actually want to be rescued as it means they are no longer victims. In this instance, if your wife moves out, she no longer has you to blame for what happens. It is interesting reading and is involved in many different forms of relationships we share with others in our lives from some work colleagues to friends to family.
Willow, I know you have the strength to do this, you have reached a year before, but something is triggering a response to turn to alcohol. You have gotten through some of the absolute worst of times without drinking, then given yourself permission to drink over a more minor stress. Try to recall what was going through your mind that day, why did you concede and allow AV to win? What can you do differently to prevent the same scenario? I too struggled with the thought of f2f recovery probably for similar reasons. I was (and still am) fortunate to have the support of a loving husband who has been there for me, but first I needed to believe in and love myself. I believe you had some counselling after your parents died, do you feel it might help to get some more? I know you're feeling positive right now, and that is great, you need that positivity and strength to get through these first weeks, but also while you are still feeling strong and positive, maybe now is the time to make those preparations to buttress up your determination if you become more complacent?