Heather, I hope you are still here. I am sorry I didn't respond again sooner. I am travelling and not able to log in here as much as I would normally.
I know how exhausted you are feeling. I also know how hard it is to have to confront a parent about their behavior, while at the same time examining your own behavior and not loving what you see. Sister, I have been there. It is about as uncomfortable as a person can get.
If you need a place to "rant" this is the place to do it. Nobody here minds when people need to get their "stuff" off their chest. That's a big part of what we are here for. We get it.
Be gentle with yourself. Many, if not most of us here, grew up in dynamics that set us up to be a bit flawed in our thinking. The important thing is that we are here striving to learn and make different choices. I do hope you will continue to hang out here with us. *hugs*