Thread: Sober Dating ?
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Old 10-30-2020, 05:44 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
dpac414
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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I think it's a good rule of thumb to wait a year before doing anything big in your life....that includes dating. As Dee said, I feel like you have to be secure in your recovery before doing anything that could shake that. 6 months is a solid foundation, but at least for me, I felt like I needed more time to really find myself and heal from the physical and mental abuse I had put myself through while drinking. I wasn't ready to try and make room for anyone else in my life. Dating not only directly challenges sobriety - going on dates where drinking could be an option, alcohol centric venues - but also emotionally challenges it - things not working out, breaking up, intimacy, etc. It's just not worth it so early on, tbh.

That being said, if you really want to try dating, it's the best to just be up front about it. I did online dating and it was explicitly stated in my profile that I do not drink. Full stop, no questions, I just do not. I would reiterate that when planning for a date with something like "I don't drink, so I would prefer to go to a restaurant/*insert other venue where drinking is not the focus*" And then when the date came, I would have a plan. I ordered a non alcoholic drink regardless of what my date ordered (but I found more often than not the people who were genuinely interested in me did not drink during the first date either).

Being upfront just makes it easier. I never got the impression that anyone I went out with cared that much, and the people who did I wasn't really interested in anyway. After some time, I ended up with a guy who barely drinks at all (I've only ever seen him have like 2 beers over our time together) and honestly I'm much happier with him than someone who is still drinking constantly. Not good for me or my sobriety.

Good luck, be careful, and remember that sobriety is paramount to anything else in life.
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