Literature is why I keep relapsing. I make it to 3 weeks, 4 weeks. I watched that documentary 'Rain in my heart' That made me relapse. When I heard the doctor say once you're in cirrhosis that it's a progressive disease. Even if you never have a drink again in your life you'll be dead in 10-15 years. Ok so then what is the point? Also reading about how I might have done permanent damage to my neurological and endocrine system. And that my skin is going to look ****** for the rest of my life. I'll stop for about a month thinking about my daughter, but then I can't stop reading all of these awful negative things and I don't see the point in quitting. I won't have a quality of life and I can either die now when she will forget or wait until she's a teenager to slowly deteriorate.