Mizz, you are right to be scared. and to not accept easy answers.
but the AA program really IS simple, which is great for busy heads. and you’re not the only busy head here, or there, guaranteed
i was sober a few years before i understood how miserable i was, and how the program with its offer of a spiritual solution was going to be just the thing. partly exactly because i didn’t want to. who the heck wants to to share their dirty secrets? who wants to go make amends??? meet the former ex-husband who they haven’t talked to in twenty years? contact others they haven’t seen in more than a decade? meet these people face-to-face and blahblahblah??
turns out i wanted to, though i surely didn’t want to (talk about busy head!).
by the time i got there, i was ready. prior steps had got me prepared.
and yes, of course step five can be done with anyone of your choosing. i did mine with a nun.
the BB advises good pondering on who to take it with.
so no, no need to buy into lingo, format and group-think about how it should all be done. of course no need to be rude about it, either in not necessarily following the latest format.
O and i have both had some challenges finding sponsors to help guide “by the book” instead of the current common format. but find them we did. and so can you, if you so desire.
as you move along, stick to the basic text if you decide you want to follow the suggested program, and it will show you the way.
if you want to go a different way, there are those to choose from also. of course.
and as far as digressing here in posts ? personally, i LOVE digressions all over the place. more like real human interaction, to me.
if you are willing to learn and open, you can learn. no doubt about it.
and if your pattern is to sit and leave, then back away and eventually drink, these are the things you can start with changing. sit and stay, go toward.