thank you both so much for your response .i needed the insight. i realize i came across that way, it’s not characteristic of me before this. i felt like everything came crashing down fast and we weren’t totally over yet it was very up and down. i have anxiety where i can’t go to bed wondering what’s up when i’m in a confused state of mind and it made me mad that he was just ok with me feeling that way. and once i went there because he owed me several hundred dollars and wasn’t answering .
anyways, i have not shown up there in months, and when i did it was when we were in deep and i felt he was toying with me . i never dealt with this and it was difficult for me to be fully selfless. i supported him, didn’t nag or give opinions on his recovery etc. i sent him a few helpful books and affirmations from amazon back in june. the last few months i have totally backed off. just like you said . he has his space fully and i agree i don’t think it’s that e doesn’t care i think he is focusing or actively using. it bothers me he reaches o it to my roomate because they’re friends but not me because we never were just friends. it makes me feel ****** but messaging her won’t bring up harmful emotions. talking too much to me may cause relapse even from good emotion and i understand that now . thank you