FF, you are kind of a mess right now. I can sense your desperation, mainly because I've been there. You're trying to rationalize with your drinking. "Maybe I can drink 100ml only", "I don't want a Jesus rehab", "I'll read a book and that will fix it". You're doing what so many of us alcoholics try to do and that is to be in control. You want to drink on your terms and you want to quit on your terms. The sad truth is that you have already tried that, I'm guessing countless times, and yet here you are drunk. The first step is to admit that you have lost the ability to choose to drink/not drink. You have lost control. Admitting that brings you to a state of humility and surrender. A state where you admit that this can't be done on your own, or it already would have. Some people on these boards have done it and my hats off to them, but so far, you have not shown that ability. I know that I do not have that ability. Not because AA told me that, but because I tried and tried and tried and tried. I tried every method you have and 1000s more. On top of me trying my own methods, I even went to several outpatient treatment facilities, detoxes and some nice jails. Except for one outpatient program (that was a mindfulness based program - which was great by the way), all of the others incorporated AA and the twelve steps. But I never dedicated myself to AA so I failed. Today, AA is a huge part of my life and the reason I am sober right now, even though I am going through some very difficult times that used to make me drink heavily.
My recommendation to someone who has lost the ability to control their drinking is always the same, go to AA and learn to live a life without alcohol. Your way isn't working.