I continued to drink for a long time while I pondered the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” I came to understand that for me, the answer was irrelevant. Alcohol was causing problems and embarrassment, so I quit.
I was pleased to find that 90% of my anxiety resolved. Amazing.
My perspective about my drinking changed the longer I was sober. I feel like I had to put it down to see how much of a problem it was. I read a bunch around here and realized that I could find the progressive nature of my problems with alcohol just as others described. Just because I hadn’t made it to the bottom of the hill didn’t mean I wasn’t careening down. Reading about alcohol use disorder and understanding alcoholism as a spectrum rather than a “yes/no” helped me.
I now know that even before I tipped into physical addiction, I drank to get drunk. Like you, I had no interest in a glass or two. It was not sustainable, especially as I got older.
Sobriety is a wonderful way of life. I couldn’t see that while drinking, but I embrace that truth now.
Good luck,
-bora