Grateful for yesterday
Yesterday I posted for the first time. I didn't respond to anyone's comments because they hit home and made me literally stop and think. I am still processing and am so very grateful for each response. I now understand I have never been honest with myself about my AV. I never wanted to believe it was there and so I listened to it each time. I would abstain, feel better, feel in control, believe I didn't need any help other than my own willpower. I would believe that I was committed and I was strong enough to do it by myself. Abstinence would surely be enough. Life would be good for awhile until...... But as I read somewhere "abstinence is the ticket to get into the theater, not the movie we are going to see"
I learned that Recovery is about growth and change. I picked up some "tools" along the way but never used the to make a plan and am still not sure how. Today all I know is I have a desire to be committed, I want a plan and I want change because I can finally admit that I am powerless over alcohol.