I always had something to do and something to look forward to after a hard days work.
Before I quit drinking, I heard Pete Davidson say in one of his sober interviews (paraphrased)...”I hear people say there aren’t enough hours in the day. I don’t get that. There are SO MANY hours in the day!” I couldn’t see myself quit, because what would I do with all that time? Fortunately, for me, sobriety brought a different perspective. Though my life doesn’t reek of enjoyment and purpose at the moment, I don’t see going back to getting smashed every night as a pleasant or reasonable alternative.
Anything life threw at me was manageable because I was never more than 8 hours away from a shot (or 15) of whiskey.
My feelings on this are different. Once I got sober, I realized drinking was no longer a coping mechanism. In fact, it robbed me of my ability to cope. The easy relief alcohol gave in the initial years of my drinking vanished as I got older and became dependent. I accept fully that there is no going back to the good ol’ days.
I’ve learned to separate happiness from contentment. Contentment I create for myself. Happiness has proven beyond my control. I have times where I am genuinely happy, and I enjoy them when they come along, but I no longer expect that from life. I am content with my life ATM, and that is enough. Far more than what some people have.
I hope that in the future I will be in a better position to chase what I enjoy, but for now that has to wait.
Thanks for sharing your struggle. I’ve enjoyed thinking this through.
-bora