i do not believe alcohol has metaphysical powers, any more than i think it is magical.
it felt like it could magically transform me, but that was a feeling, not fact.
whatever it "brought" to me or "brought out" in me is stuff that is in me.
in me already.
anyway.....so, actually, drinking wasn't the pure happiness you originally wrote it was.
Blackouts, seizures, knowing its impact....doesn't sound happy at all.
i wish for you that you can find your way to a more satisfying sobriety.