Hi CitizenSober
I drank until I hated drinking - I was glad to stop, and glad to rediscover a me I'd forgotten about.
I built a sober life I love, and continue to love.
I'm not blissful - but I am content...not mentioning that to make you feel worse - I really believe anyone can do what I did
I do remember feeling like you do in other attempts to stay sober, tho. Life sober was no better than life drunk so why not just drink again?
That last time I quit I accepted the need to change my life as well.
I had to change how I had fun, how I solved problems and how I felt about myself.
I guess my question for you is what else have you done to change your life apart from not drinking?
When I would just not drink I was still living a life made for drinking....that makes a man miserable at best and longing for a drink.
I wonder if you're retrospectively rationalising things?
if drinking was so good, even just periodically, why would any of us stop?
The answer for me was that it really wasn't that good, not if you factor in the consequences.
I get the fear - I think a lot of us start to drink to deal with the fear - but support helps and you'll find that here
Building that sober life we love helps too - Welcome
D