Originally Posted by
Jules89 
I suppose this is my biggest question right now. I don’t even know. What can I do? Where do I start? I’m beginning to feel numb.
my expectations have been majorly lowered (by him, and through forcing myself) and it is utterly miserable.
Yes, distancing/detaching and looking at the situation realistically are key. Having some time away helps clear the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). You are not really part of a team anymore are you? Shifting from that to looking at him as he really is, will help you (might hurt too, but it's kind of essential).
Through time away and observing him as a separate person, not your Husband or your best friend but as a person who lives in your house, you can critically decide if this is what is best for YOU. It's important that you look out for and protect yourself, you can no longer rely on him to have your best interests at heart.
I know this is all so difficult. You do have options. Nothing needs to be decided right this minute. You have been experiencing this for a long time. Baby steps (or heck, a giant leap if that is what you think will be most helpful). You always have the option of just staying and doing nothing, that is 100 percent in your power, just keeping in mind that you will need to distance yourself and have pretty much zero expectations if you want to maintain your happiness (and sanity).
All that said detaching does hurt and it's really just a coping mechanism to be used short-er term until you can see your way clearly. It's not really a long term solution for many.