Obladi

That's excellent - the sober part.

And yes, I remember your demons well. They look a lot like mine. They needn't win anymore, you know. (You used current/future tense, and that's concerning.) But they are not likely to stay away unless you do something to address them. Well, at least that's my experience and seems to be yours too. I know this may be annoying, but I'm going to continue to suggest that you get additional help. SR has been an invaluable resource in my recovery, but I firmly believe I wouldn't be where I am today without the right therapist, medication, reading (esp Lance Dodes "The Heart of Addiction) and - gasp! - the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I gasp at the last because it's been very very difficult to find my place there. And doing just that was key - I needed to be true to myself within that group of people who are infuriatingly human sometimes. Just like I am.

I'm not saying you need AA; I'm saying you may benefit from it. Nor am I saying you need therapy though from where I sit it sure looks like you'd be able to find a hell of a lot of growth and relief with the right guy (or gal). That's my experience, anyhow. As a fellow survivor of my family of origin and other childhood terrors including lifelong anxiety and depression, I firmly believe I would've likely ended up dead long before my time if I hadn't worked through those things with a good therapist. I want that freedom for you too, Jeff. It's really a pain in the rear end to have to do these things that "normal" people don't need to do, but here we are. At least here I am. Those demons aren't likely to ever go away completely, but I can learn to coexist peacefully with them. So can you.

O

(Does it go without saying "or else?")