mako------none of us---None---are immune for the indescribable, excrutiating pain that comes with the grieving of loss---loss of someone or something that we have given our heart or invested a part of ourselves into. It is (mostly) an emotional process that has to play itself out, once it is upon us. Grief will have it's own way and own time.
Actually, grieving is really the first steps toward our eventually healing. Mother Nature has wired us like this.
The best news----just as we are wired to grieve---we are wired to heal. lol---or, otherwise, we would all have ended up in a ditch---and,our species would never have made it this far.
Don;t try to overthink it. While ruminating is one stage of the grieving process----overthinking won't help.
My suggestion---keep looking forward and consider that just getting through each day as a great big Victory! Every day, no matter how difficult, brings one a day closer to the healing---and laughing and loving again.
I know that it feels like your heart and soul have been slammed to the bottom of the ocean floor---but, it won't always feel like this. You are going to see blue skies again!!!!!!