Thanks... I knew posting on this here board, here on sober recovery would deliver a few truth bombs that I needed to have to explode in my [ albeit, very handsome :-)] FACE!
Really, a gazillion thanks.... Excuse the phrase but one's own **** don't stink! Couldn't see the wood for the trees etc etc.. I dunno. Choose a good analogy, I'm sure you catch my drift?.
BUT I think you absolutely nailed it! I absolutely had not accepted that I was powerless over her addition and not only was I struggling with that, I was ignoring it and fighting (hard) against it. Truth be told, I'm not sure I've accepted it yet, but at least with a bit of guidance, some excellent reminders & pointers, I know my direction of travel! I feel a sense of relief... and for that I'm grateful.
The other trap I fell right into btw was trying to control it... I'm still currently in the trap of blaming myself btw
Luckily, or unluckily for me, I've not faced a situation before where I was invested emotionally in an active addict, in their relapse. And it came right out of the blue. It was a shock, I'm still in a bit of shock. Not for their relapse, but for how it has 'hit' me ... And how I was so very powerless over my reactions - as you rightly say, knowing and accepting are too totally different things.
I thought about my reactions and coming from an alcoholic and dysfunctional family with a Mother who was alcoholic, depressive, frequently suicidal and almost certainly addicted to prescription drugs.... I think it triggered me, I really do! I think all my abandonment issues and the complex ptsd, trauma and ******** of trying to take the tablets from my own Mothers mouth to prevent her killing herself when I was too young to know my age came rushing back at me, seemingly out of the blue. Powerless to deal with my reactions and the fear created. It was a child like reaction.
I thought I'd 'dealt with' such issues and thought I'd not face such things again! Really I did. Its added to my inability to get to grips with the whole situation.
Your comment "when we care about someone else's sobriety more than they do, we render ourselves useless to them and risk our own sanity in the process" Is greatly appreciated... that's exactly the kind of guidance I was looking!
To those who have responded so far....
It's been an age since I've experienced such enormous gratitude to someone helping me with this recovery business. That's not to say I don't remember and I'm not still grateful to the many who have helped me, just that I've not needed such help for an age. That's a good thing. My life has been peaceful and simple, thanks to a large extent to following a number of suggestions similar to those above... Anyway, I am enormously grateful. Really, truly I am.
I'll take it easy and I'm gonna keep coming back :-)
Mako