Hi Jules and welcome, sorry for what brings you here but glad you found SR.
Well, let's get it out in the open then? Your Husband is an alcoholic. Really a label doesn't change anything does it. The behaviour is the same, the resulting damage to your relationship and your mental well being and that of the children remains the same.
I think sometimes when pondering this (as you obviously are) some things can be overlooked. We tend, sometimes. to make excuses and try to separate the "drunk person" from the "normal person". Well really he is all those things, he is not one or the other. Until he seeks treatment, stops drinking and enters recovery, he is both.
In overlooking, you mention that he has, in the past said things like:
how fit were those girls we were with
and that he lies about his drinking and stays out drinking for hours.
Then you say:
"I want to be clear that he has NEVER been abusive, physically or mentally" and "I can not fault his intentions and morals".
See the discrepancy there? I'm not pointing this out to lay blame anywhere, just to be clear, just wanted to point out that this is a contradiction in how he is acting and how you are perceiving it perhaps.
Then there are the children. I don't know their ages but it does have a huge affect on children to have an alcoholic parent and those affects are long lasting and will follow them in to adulthood.
It might be a good idea to take some time away for yourself to get a real handle on what is really going on. Sometimes when you are right in the middle of the storm it's hard to look at it all with a clear eye. Is there any possibility you could go and stay with family for a week or two?
The 3 c's - You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.