((Matt)) Lots of great advise given here!!
Just keep doing what you are doing, (the next right thing). My husband goes to Al-anon and to open AA meetings with me. It has helped him to understand. I am very fortunate that he has researched this disease and has a better understanding. No, he will never fully understand, but he has accepted that fact that I have the disease of alcoholism.
No one will "understand" an alcoholic like another alcoholic. That's why we can help each other. We have been there, had the same thoughts.
If you can, try to sit down and talk to her. Take responsiblity for your past actions. This time will come as you work the Steps. Just let her know that you are working on you. Kind of like "We were blind and can now see!!"
IMO, you must put your sobriety first. Without that we can not be there for others!! Give her time. Be of service to her, help with chores, offer to take your daughter, do the grocery shopping. ACTION!! Show her you are changing!! She will still be skepitcal, but that's ok!!
Hang in there!! We're here to help!!
Missy