Originally Posted by
Sohard 
Thank you. I really appreciate your words of support!
Thank you everyone. I’m feeling a little bit better. Not a ton but a little, yet that is actually a big relief from where I was coming from. I’ll take whatever I can get.
I intentionally posted this thread in the Alcoholism forum, not the New to Recovery Forum, bc I didn’t want people in the early days to think it remains such a struggle. I know it really doesn’t. It has gotten much easier, but I guess for me there are still these weird deep dips that I still need to iron out. Because they’re soooo dangerous.
Obviously I know I can’t drink again. My last year of drinking I was definitely the worst I’ve ever been. And it started to scare me (although I probably should’ve been concerned waaaay earlier). I know I’m not the one and only unique addict who can restart drinking and have it be just fine. And I have to say, I’ll never get over how wonderful it is not to be hung over anymore. I basically consider myself a superhero for having been able to exist in the world hung over for 20 years. So I really don’t want to screw this up. I really appreciate all of your support.
Year two seemed to me to be about unwinding some of the addict thinking that drags people back in. You might feel really low but I also noticed my low points where actually when I was moving faster through the process. They always preceded some kind of breakthrough. I remember naming my AV Sgt Foley from
An Officer and a Gentleman. It was always riding my ass and hated to be eyeballed. What could I do tho? I had nowhere else to go. I had to keep going because that's the only choice I had left.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g2JN2PrHJg