I was in a weird place after my first year too. Like I was working up to a huge accomplishment (the 1 yr anniversary) and when I got there, I was just kinda standin there wondering "What's next?"..."What the hell do I do now?" It was a time when I had to learn how to use all the tools I had been given my first year. This is how we survive.
I will share with you the best tool I got on how to stay sober when I was really questioning if I could do this anymore.
I had to learn to "Think the drink through" This meant I had to play the whole tape. From when I would take that first drink to when I was going to flatline from alcoholism. There was no other way. Death was my only way out.
So here we go..I get drunk. I start the cycle all over again. Within a week I'm back to scary drinking and then desperation hits when I start getting withdrawals again. I hurt my family and kids and ruin every good thing I've done in my sobriety. Then I have to look at myself in the mirror and admit that drinking was more important than anyone loving me. Because for me, when I drank...I was the bottle's b#$ch. My health starts to fail, I'm hemorrhaging money, my wife and family is terrified and I stop working. I stop doing anything but drinking. Drinking is now my life. I will do anything for drinking. I don't care what it costs me, I just want to drink until it kills me and then it will be over. Everyone who ever loved me will be in pain. My family will be devastated, my friends hurt, I'm just handing off all my bull$#it to someone else because I needed to be numb more than I needed to matter. And now as I lay dying....all I can do is blame myself and ask "what if I had just hung in for one more day?"