shame
Hi friends, I am a frequent reader of these threads and not feeling worthy. My drinking has gotten out of control during this respite from work due to Covid. This is not a new problem and overdid it on the weekend and it (as alcoholism does) has escalated during this time. I'm so ashamed, because I am a school nurse and school is starting up again. I am very stressed also do to extra workload and auto immune. Small town, and can't have the school nurse going to detox when I know so many parents who work there. Lots of stress and feel alone. I need to talk to my doctor and be honest as it only goes downhill from here. Already, liver pain and elevated enzymes (which have never had before). Trying to buy a small home and only breadwinner. I am not drinking at work, but I went in this morning to do some paperwork. School closed for whatever reason. Feeling a bit shaky and scared of withdrawal or going to hospital. I don't even know if I go if it gets reported to Board of Nursing. I am just tapering with a couple small sips of wine here and there, and will continue to cut down. I know that isn't the answer, but I am on my own. I am 58 and have to get my **** together. Tired of not feeling well, but I'm just so full of shame and fear. Of course, alcohol makes my depression worse. I don't judge others, just myself. I really appreciate your reading this. I am super sensitive today. So please be as honest, but as kind as you can be. I am super sad, but plan on making some changes. I do have brief periods of sobriety, and once has three years. Have severe PTSD and anxiety....still no excuse.