Those clean days add up.
Over the years, I unknowingly relapsed hundreds of times. I did not realize that quitting for a few days and having a binge was a relapse. Back then, taking a few days off proved to me that I didn't have a drinking problem. Wrong!
The off and on drinking caused kindling and paws. The brain damage is deep. This didn't heal as much as I got used to it.
Hope this helps you break the cycle forever. There are other ways to get high, but it took well over a year clean for my body to start to get high on life. Until then I required major stimulation to get natural highs.
For example, riding a roller coaster worked like a charm. Obviously, I can't ride roller coasters every day.
I primarily used/use exercise to get high now.
Thanks.