Remaining Vigilant
Wow, at 587 days and counting but tonight was a curve ball out of somewhere I didn't see coming. My wife is having a little bit of a hard time currently (work, life direction etc) and tonight a couple things just hit her all at once leading to a small breakdown, crying uncontrollably, hey even the healthiest of use get overwhelmed sometimes. As her husband I knew I could do nothing but try and be her rock in that moment but the amount of helplessness I felt was staggering. And with that momentary feeling came that ugly SOB my AV out of nowhere. I had thoughts that I haven't had in months about how easy it would be not to feel like this, and I know they are all lies. I found myself at the grocery store to pick up things for a nice dinner to improve the mood and paused at the entry to the liquor section...something I haven't done since my early days. I overcame and remain vigilant in what I am always learning is a life long battle. I felt like I couldn't express this to my wife right now with what she has going on but needed to express it somewhere without feeling guilty that this is where my mind turned to when I should have been 100% for her.